What was it that made me finally accept the inevitable? Perhaps it goes all the way back to 2010, and ‘The Internet Is Made Of Cats’, which is always playing in some deep neural network of my brain at any given moment:

According to Google (who knows everything and is never wrong) about 4 – 5% of the internet is porn. And yet 15% — that’s right, fifteen percent! — of the internet is related, directly or indirectly, to cats.

How is this possible? Continue reading

Lake Bell’s film In A World (set in the movie trailer voiceover industry) is a film with the kind of razor sharp wit, touching drama and perfectly-crafted filmmaking that I always expect to find in Woody Allen films, but somehow never do. I’m always surprised in Woody Allen films by the way in which his jokes, particularly his one-liners, hit you over the head. They always sound to me like he thought of them independently, and then crafted a scene around how to get as many in as possible.

I actually really admire Woody Allen as a filmmaker. His films look amazing. And he’s fantastically prolific, and always original. And don’t ask me about the child-molesting criticisms because I don’t actually care enough about him to be able to write about that with any authority.

But seriously, In A World is about three times better than the best Woody Allen film I’ve ever seen. Continue reading

Detectives Christine Cagney and Mary Beth Lacey are high up on the scaffolding of an office tower block under construction — many many storeys above the street.  In the process of confronting and apprehending a corrupt construction worker, Lacey has fallen off and is now clinging on to a metal pole for dear life.  If her grip slips, she will fall and die.  Her loving husband Harvey (the site manager and the one who brought the corruption to the detectives’ attention) tells Cagney, in horror, that his wife is stuck in a ‘death grip’.  Which means that Mary Beth has frozen in horror, and no amount of persuading will make her let go, even if help is offered.  She’ll keep hanging on until she is overcome with exhaustion, and falls to her death.  There’s only one thing for it, he says.  He edges towards her, closer and closer.  And when he is right next to her, he punches her in the face. Continue reading

The FUTURE PERFECT PROGRESSIVE TENSE indicates a continuous action that will be completed at some point in the future. This tense is formed with the modal “WILL” plus the modal “HAVE” plus “BEEN” plus the present participle of the verb (with an -ing ending): “Next Thursday, I will have been working on this project for three years.”

Q: When is the future not like the future?
A: When it’s the past.

Vinyl is making a comeback. It’s been making a comeback for years; we’ve all heard that. And now, all the well-informed people will tell you that the comeback is over — indeed, the whole thing was just a sham for poseurs in the first place. But behind the clickbaity headlines (which often wildly exaggerate the claims of the actual articles) it seems increasingly clear to me that something is definitely going on in Vinyland. Yes, production quality might be variable, and the albums that are selling tend to be old albums that have already shifted millions of units, but people are excited about them. Continue reading

You read that correctly. Giorgio Moroder, of Giorgio Moroder fame, has released a Giorgio Moroder cover of Tom’s Diner by Suzanne Vega, with none other than Britney Spears on vocals.

As you may know, I am something of a Suzanne Vega fan. So, if anyone should be calling the emergency services out to have a song pulled from a brutal car crash on this one, it should be me.

This cover version… really shouldn’t work. I mean, it really shouldn’t work. It very nearly doesn’t work. Continue reading