Wasn’t She Always Here?

James Bell

Work In Progress

  1. Wasn’t She Always Here?
"Where did the last four hours go?"


I spent so long trying to puzzle over how to get romantic relationships right. Or… at least how to stop getting them spectacularly wrong. And when one day I finally got married, surely I would write at least one song that would explain ’true love’, whatever the hell that might be. Now I’ve been married for just over two years, but I still feel none the wiser, because I just can’t imagine what life could possibly have been like before. Like that sense at the end of a film, when the cinema theatre lights come up, and you need to remind yourself who you are and where you live. When was I ever incomplete?


Wake up in the night In a shivering ball To find cold sweat is actually a thing And I’m faced with the feeling I’d thought I’d refused I just somehow assumed I could just be excused And I pace in the dark like I always have done In a pain that’s so sweet and sublime And this thing that they call true love Only the true is good enough Just like true north or like true crime Unlike the entertaining kind Unlike the dull magnetic kind Unlike the kind you find all the time I had no expectations I’d be any good But I didn’t think I’d be so bad It’s like everyone else got a handout in school A set of instructions with clear defined rules Back in school they would say if you can’t show your workings Then you don’t really know what it means All those years straining through the noise All of heartaches and all the joys Guess then I still don’t know what it means How was I so late for the show? Where did the last four hours go? Was that the final scene? So you phone me in tears That they gave you the job We both feel the wave of relief Like the furniture you have been carrying around Hoping someone will finally let you set down And I’ve spent half my life trying to crack this enigma And now I still feel nowhere near But it’s like the theatre lights come up And every single memory of My life before has disappeared When did the past and future meet? When was I ever incomplete? Wasn’t she always here?

Credits & Copyright

Written and recorded by James Bell in October 2018. Released in October 2018. (C) & (P) House of Lyra.